How it began…

My life was just starting. A few years prior in 2021, I had a reckoning with myself. I said enough pretending to be something I am not. I came out as a lesbian and went into therapy determined to find peace with myself. I found that therapy was my calling. I went back to school. I worked full time. I did so diligently and I worked hard at everything. I tried dating, putting myself out there. I put so much effort into my new life.

Then November 2023, I started to have some symptoms of carpal tunnel and I thought to myself: “I’m on the computer all the time and my desk set up isn’t ergonomic enough. Maybe that is all this is.” I bought all the wrist guards and accessories that were supposed to help. Then on December 5th, I stopped being able to hold a pen while trying to get through an intense statistics study session. I gaslighted, “your hand is probably tired. Just rest.” December 28th rolled around and I headed to the ER after what I know now was a focal seizure in my right arm occurred, but the triage nurse told me it was likely a pinched nerve.

In January, I was slurring my speech and getting drop foot. So I did what any woman in America living alone and scared would - I called my mom. I couldn’t decide if I should go to the ER. (Side note: please just go to the ER and don’t gaslight yourself because it’s “not that bad.” It is likely that bad.) I got picked up by my best friend, Kenzie, and we drove through a fast food restaurant on the way to the hospital since I had forgotten to eat due to the worry. 

Once in the ER, time moved slow for the twenty minutes it took to be called into triage. The triage nurse couldn’t believe how progressed my symptoms were and how long I had waited to get help even though I had tried and been told there was no point to being in the ER. She got me in immediately to a bed and a room where I sat with Kenzie and her daughter, Ramona, while we waiting for all the tests to be ready. I waited from 2PM until 8:30PM to get seen for the MRI.