Anniversary

Hi all,

Today is the exact one year anniversary of when my tumor was found. This is the day the clock started ticking on how much time I have left.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m really worried for my scan on Saturday and the results I will get on Tuesday. Things feel weird and different in a way I don’t know how to explain. I’ve let my doctors know what’s feeling different and we are impatiently waiting for the results.

This year has given me a lot of understanding into the world and what it means to be sick. Just because I look healthy doesn’t mean I am. I’m remembering what it was like to be essentially paralyzed on my right side and the part of this journey that made me understand how privileged I was to have an able body. I’m remembering what it means to be alive before this started. I’m experiencing and remembering the after too.

I’m a disabled queer woman and everything happening in the world reminds me that I’m on the cutting block. I’ve been and I still am privileged in many ways, but people like me, are seen as drains on society. People like me require “hand outs.” Social security disability, food stamps, the affordable care act are all things I benefit from and need to continue with my survival and those things are quickly going away right before our eyes. My heart is broken.

Someone in my life defended people who didn’t vote and called both parties the same and I don’t see it that way. There’s a lot of privilege in that viewpoint and it leads to the same black and white thinking that most conservatives have about issues. People like this want a perfect candidate to tick every box, but the goal is that it should be whoever will do the least amount of harm. It disgusts me that people voted for anyone other than Kamala when there was so much at stake.

This is all the trolley problem in my eyes. I’m so angry and hurt by anyone who has chosen the path of voting for trump/chose to vote third party or decided to not vote. Whether you like it or not, someday, you will have to wake up in a world where you’re disabled and no longer able to care for yourself. You were likely hoping to rely on your social security and Medicare, but hey, it is actively being flushed away before our eyes and whose fault is that?

Anyway, I don’t care if this comes across as shaming to anyone who chose differently than I did. Those decisions are actively harming others and if you claim to care for someone while actively making a decision that will directly harm them, that’s nasty behavior and I won’t tolerate it in my life.

This isn’t a difference in opinion. This is straight up a difference in morality. I don’t care anymore to play nice. Life is too short to take in the stress of tolerating others and their opinions that are harming not only to me but everyone that I love in minority groups.

You may think that you are reading the ramblings of a radicalized leftist - or whatever - but honest to god, it isn’t radical to want decency, respect, compassion, understanding, and kindness from others. That’s not a radical ask. It’s the bare minimum that we should be doing for each other. It is what we owe to each other.